Real Life Retorts

Movie Quote: Some men you just can’t reach.

Real Life Retort: Try attaching a robotic arm; it is 2018

Movie Quote: You had me at hello.

Real Life Retort: Attachment issues much?

Movie Quote: I’m ready for my close-up.

Real Life Retort: There’s cilantro in your teeth.

Movie Quote: Heeeere’s Johnny!

Real Life Retort: Here is a relative term.

Movie Quote: You talkin’ to me?

Real Life Retort: No.

Movie Quote: I coulda been a contender.

Real Life Retort: Not as a middle weight.

Movie Quote: I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse.

Real Life Retort: Theoretically, any offer can be refused. You will be better suited by trying to find a middle ground and a win-win scenario.

Movie Quote: Warriors, come out and play.

Real Life Retort: What? Kick the can or stickball?

Movie Quote: E.T. phone home.

Real Life Retort: That’ll have to be collect.

Movie Quote: You’re going to need a bigger boat.

Real Life Retort: Correct. Let’s head back and get an aircraft carrier.

Movie Quote: He’s alive!

Real Life Retort: But is it a life worth living with bolts in your neck?

Movie Quote: Mongo pawn in game of life.

Real Life Retort: I see you more as a thimble in monopoly.

Movie Quote: If it bleeds we can kill it.

Real Life Retort: We? Who is this we you’re talking about? Hey if you feel froggy then jump but my ass is getting to the choppuh!

Movie Quote: I’m a nerd and I’m pretty proud of it.

Real Life Retort: Talk to me when your kid is bullied mercilessly in junior high and we’ll see how proud you are.

Movie Quote: You see us as you want to see us – in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions.

Real Life Retort: You just got another one! What is that nine?

Movie Quote: Rosebud…

Real Life Retort: Rosebud schmosebud.

Movie Quote: Let’s go get a taco.

Real Life Retort: Fuck tacos. Burger it up.

Movie Quote: The greatest trick the devil pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.

Real Life Retort: I don’t know; that levitation trick is pretty dope.

Movie Quote: Never tell me the odds!

Real Life Retort: How about the evens?

Movie Quote: He drew first blood.

Real Life Retort: Oh, it was a pinprick. Besides I don’t even think it was on purpose.

Movie Quote: I know that you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I’m afraid that’s something I can’t allow to happen.

Real Life Retort: You should have thought of that before you plugged in to this extension cord.

Movie Quote: Frankly my dear I don’t give a damn.

Real Life Retort: I appreciate your candor.

Movie Quote: I’ve got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.

Real Life Retort: Kansas the state sucks but I do like the band Kansas: Duuust in the wiiind…

Movie Quote: I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

Real Life Retort: I prefer dichlorobenzene in the morning.

Movie Quote: You can’t handle the truth!

Real Life Retort: I can handle the verisimilitude though.

Movie Quote: If you build it he will come.

Real Life Retort: Title of my sex tape.

Movie Quote:  I see dead people.

Real Life Retort: You studied mortuary science! What did you expect?

Movie Quote: Houston we have a problem.

Real Life Retort: Yeah, the Oilers suck!

Movie Quote: Greed for lack of a better word, is good.

Real Life Retort: Why do we lack a better word? The dictionary is full of words.

Movie Quote: Surely you can’t be serious.

Real Life Retort: Shirley is serious as fuck.

Movie Quote: Mr. Blutarsky: 0.0

Real Life Retort: Yeah but if I retake those courses, the most recent grade will be the one that factors in to the GPA.