Wednesday, May 16, 2018

5/16/18 Monologue


You have to wonder what happened to Matt Lauer.
Until you realize that success breeds excess and power corrupts.
Once you realize these you start to wonder about dinner.

Have you noticed that a lot of headlines are things like people clapping back and apologizing for prior apologies and atoning for tone-deaf ads and this and that? To which I say, a clap back is an echo and an echo chamber isn’t a good thing.




My four year-old has probably made me listen to Shiny from Moana 300 times over the past 5 months. As a parent at this point I am very confident in my ability to set boundaries.
I’ve also watched Captain Underpants 5 times in the past week but this is after the kids go to bed. “Your full name is Pee Pee Diarrheasteen Poopypants, Esq.?”

Did you know that forest bathing is a thing? Who woulduthunk that walking in the woods would be good for you? I am not opposed to taking a bath in the woods. Just as long as there are those two tubs you see in erectile dysfunction ads and I know I’m going to get laid after and not get poison ivy while I’m doing it.

They say the grass is always greener but what does that mean if you are colorblind?

Just think, someone is graduating with a college degree in philosophy this month.

If P then Q doesn’t imply that not P therefore not Q. This is called denying the antecedent and I’ve seen it a million times and never once have I realized my ability.

You might think that we are in a post truth world but if I say you’d be wrong and then if you say I’m wrong for saying you are wrong haven’t you then posited a truth and ergo been inconsistent and guilty of circular reasoning?
Which reminds me of the great line in Raising Arizona:

These balloons blow up into funny shapes at all?
Not unless round is funny?


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