Thursday, May 31, 2018

#3 Or Nummer Drei as the Germans Say


I’m about to be a father to my third child.
I know what you’re thinking – big whoop – a ton of dudes have three kids.
But ask yourself this: how many of those dudes had their first at the tender age of 41?
Yeah that is what I thought punchy.
Judge lest ye be judged – idiot!
JK.
To give some context to just how crazy this is, consider what I told my father-in-law who is in town for the birth and to help us with some home projects because, as I told him:
I lived in student housing for ten years and never had to mow a lawn or fix an appliance or anything like that so I never owned power tools; I spent all my money on guitar shit.
Now here I am with a house and kids and it doesn’t really help that I know the chords to Simple Man or how to play Auld Lang Syne fingerstyle.
What I could really use is some practical know-how (plus a volt meter) and some patience but you don’t’ exactly acquire these things naturally when you bachelor it up for twenty years catering to you and you alone. Why is it so hard to get out the door for school???
But, sometimes, my boys dig me (and my bad impressions of Bruce the shark from Nemo, or Christopher Walken or Al Pacino [“ranger choke hold Charlie!”] and they know I want to form a band with them named The Steaming Diapers so…
And maybe, just maybe, if I can keep it together as I prepare to lose a ton of sleep over the next 18 years, I might just live to buy some more guitar shit.

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