New Year’s Resolutions are total bullshit.
Here are mine:
1.
Parent better
2.
Learn how to parent better
3.
Learn how to husband better
4.
Husband better
5.
Floss
6.
Run a half marathon
7.
Eat less cheese (I currently eat a 3 pound wheel
a week)
8.
Ear train (the current lineup includes Everclear’s
Santa Monica… requests?)
9.
Juggle 4 objects (I can juggle 3 but not while I
sing the alphabet song)
10.
100 pushups without stopping
11.
Complete the running video that was so rudely interrupted
around 4 years ago when a cat vehemently, maliciously, and ubiquitously urinated
on and in my laptop
12.
Eat beets
13.
Rock out more
14.
Jazz it up more
15.
Keep a lower profile
16.
Seem less squirrelly to the uninitiated
17.
Take notes on movie editing for aforementioned
running video that was so rudely interrupted around 4 years ago when a cat vehemently,
maliciously, and ubiquitously urinated on and in my laptop
18.
Create a 12 step program for arsonists
19.
Write a decent short story about a guy who has
an idea about making a running video only to be rudely interrupted when a cat vehemently,
maliciously, and ubiquitously urinates on his laptop but he perseveres and
along with the help of a rag tag little league team he beats the all star Yankees,
publishes his short story in the New Yorker, and gets to meet Woody Allen after
a rain drenched stay in Manhattan.
20.
Make fewer resolutions
21.
Research the meta-analysis of the breakdown of
complex statistical data
