Tom Is Tom

Seems I have a few minutes here so I thought I would rap at ya, a la Jim Anchower.

How’ve  you been?

I don’t care to be honest witch you. I’m just axing questions to be axing. Sorry, that was harsh; I’m being a dick. Maybe it is because I heard an idiot on the radio this morning say that, in reference to Tom Brady, “Tom is Tom” and every time I hear someone utter a tautology like this I want to choke myself, so, as you can imagine, this puts me on edge.

I shouldn’t take it out on you though; you have nothing to do with this idiot talking into a microphone.

Tell me, Mr. Man, is there a time when Tom Brady isn’t Tom Brady? Maybe when he was FDR?

You know what, I take it all back; maybe this guy isn’t an idiot. Maybe he knows a whole lot more about reincarnation that I do and maybe there was a time when Tom Brady wasn’t Tom Brady. Maybe this guy is tapped into the collective reincarnation stream and knows that at one point Tom Brady was, da da da!... 

Dom DeLuise.

You heard it here first, Tom Brady was Dom Deluise in a former life.

What’s that you say?

Their lives overlapped?

Overlapped schmoverlapped. What does the space-time continuum have to do with this?

Or as Tina Turner asked, What’s love got to do with it?

It has something to do with it right? What is the it we are talking about here?

It’s Bill Belichick’s birthday today!

It’s Bill Belichick’s birthday today!

The top 5 perks of being Bill Belichick

5. Being able to wear the same clothes at game time and bedtime.

4. 15% discount on Kraft Mac and Cheese, even the deluxe and homestyle versions.

3. Close relationship with Tom Brady usually nets one or two glimpses of Gieselle per year.

2. Certain Hall of Fame induction will mean a chance to dine in Canton, Ohio.

1. Free WEEI bumper stickers.

Da Nile Ain't Just A River

Seriously, I ask to know: What is it like to be enormously successful, revered, touted, praised, what some to be considered man-beautiful, touted as the best quarterback of all time in a billion dollar sport, insanely wealthy, have hosted the greatest sketch comedy show that has ever aired, have owned a home with a moat, and last but not least be married to a supermodel that actually makes more money than you…and know deep down in places we don’t like to talk about at cocktail parties, that you are a cheater.

What is that like? I ask to know.

3/19/14 Monologue

Bill Nye the science guy recently debated creationist Ken Hamm about evolution and cosmology. 
They polled people to ask them who they thought won the debate. 
Americans got confused during the debate and voted overwhelmingly for the CBS sitcom the Big Bang Theory.

President Obama picked Michigan State to win the NCAA basketball championship. 
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie picked chicken wings in his bracket.

Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady are selling their 14,000 square-foot estate in Los Angeles for $50 million.
Gisele said “My husband can’t buy the house and live in the house.” 14,000 square feet!? Was Vince Wilfork going to rent there? And sell RV’s from the basement?!

Scientist now say that long-term sleep deprivation saps the brain of power even with days of recovery sleep, and that this could lead to lasting brain injury. 
I can finally blame my middle aged foggery on my toddler who didn’t sleep for 2 years. It’s got nothing to do with all the drugs and alcohol from my twenties… and thirties. Thanks a lot, children!