An Open Letter to Mike Pettine

“The mind is a strange thing, men.

We must begin by asking it…
…What is losing?

Losing is a disease…
…as contagious as polio.

Losing is a disease…
…as contagious as syphilis.

Losing is a disease…
…as contagious as bubonic plague…

… attacking one…
… but infecting all.

Ahh, but curable.”

-Dr. Knobb – The Natural

“Yes, Bible sales. The trade is not a

complicated one; there're but two

things to learn. One bein' where to

find your wholesaler - word of God

in bulk as it were. Two bein' how to

reckanize your customer - who're you

dealin' with? - an exercise in

psychology so to speak.”

-Big Dan Teague – O Brother Where ArtThou?

“You don’t know what you are capable of!”

-Oscar ‘Manny’ Manheim – Runaway Train

Dear Mike Pettine:

I hope this letter finds you well. Alas, I am writing you with the gravest of concerns. As the new Browns coach I am quite certain you are aware that since the year 1995 the Browns have averaged 5 wins a season with a winning percentage of about 32% with no playoff appearances. Almost two decades of abysmal football. Contrast this with the New England Patriots who have averaged 10 wins a season with 14 playoff appearances, 6 Super Bowl appearances, 3 Super Bowl victories (in 4 seasons, two back-to-back), and blah blah blah. It does indeed seem that the Browns have some sort of losing disease, some sort of contagious malady the spreads year after year after year after year infecting anyone who dons a Browns jersey. And here’s the thing Mike Pettine, despite the rhetoric, this fan wonders if the players believe, truly, authentically, believe they can win. This and only this will make the losing disease, curable. And this, making players believe is your exercise in psychology. This is your cross to bear Mike Pettine, your burden, to make players believe they are capable of winning. This is easier said than done Mike Pettine. If you don’t believe me, please see the stats above. And while the season is 16 games and while there is no silver bullet, no panacea to cure the losing disease, I deplore you to channel your energy into the first game. Yes, September 7^th 2014 against the Steelers of Pittsburgh is the microcosm of what is to be Mike Pettine and that is why this day and this day alone, the utmost effort must be expelled to cure the disease. I do believe your predecessors did not accept/realize this fact. Think of it as a matter of breeding: losses breed losses and wins breed wins…and does it not, all start with the first game, that all important commencement that, like it or not, “sets the tone” for the season? Accept this Mike Pettine. Accept this and be liberated. I recall Pat Shurmer muttering something about “This doesn’t have to be fatal” after a 2011 opening day loss to the Cincinnati Bengals. But believe me Mike Pettine, it will be fatal, as it was for Shurmur; the disease will remain un-curable, the belief in ability gone, a self-fulfilling prophecy sealed; just awaiting time for the destiny to be reached. The first game Mike Pettine, focus on this, for this is the fulcrum, for this is the time to set a tone of winning Mike Pettine, pull out all the stops, do not fear putting all of your eggs into this one basket for this is the basket that matters Mike Pettine. 

Win. This. Game.

One last movie quotation is relevant here:

“Win the crowd and you will win your freedom.”  

-Proximo – Gladiator.

Imagine it is the fourth quarter on September 7^th, 2014 Mike Pettine, and imagine you are winning. Imagine the dawg pound Mike Pettine. Imagine the faithful, imagine the roar of a fandom on the cusp, imagine their faith in you growing down after down, quarter after quarter, and imagine the excitement, the collective adrenaline rushing through veins in the stadium and in front of televisions and radios in every state in the union. Imagine the thunderous call of Jim Donovan coming to believe, imagine all of us believing we can win as the clock nears all zeroes.  

Do this Mike Pettine, win this game and win your freedom, win your player’s freedom, win the fans’ freedom, win a city’s freedom from the disease of losing.

Thanks for listening,

Shannon

P.S. my father in law is a Steelers fan, so pretty please, cherries on top, win this game.