Ho Ho Ho No...

It was xmas eve, Julian and Avery were fast asleep when santa arrived to deliver their presents. Julian and Avery had been good little boys and santa had a huge sack of presents to bring down the chimney. But the bag was so big that it got stuck in the chimney! Santa was able to get down the chimney but the bag of toys was stuck way up at the top of the chimney! Santa thought long and hard about this as he rubbed his long white beard. While thinking, he enjoyed a few of the cookies Julian and Avery left out for him. Santa knew what he had to do. He had to wake up Julian and Avery and ask for their help. Once Julian and Avery were awake, Santa told them “Julian, Avery…I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that because you were such good little boys this year, I got you a bunch of presents.” Julian and Avery smiled from ear to ear and giggled with anticipation. “The bad news,” Santa continued “is that because I got you so many presents, the bag got stuck at the top of the chimney and I can’t get it down.” Julian and Avery frowned and slumped their shoulders. But they didn’t whine about it. Instead of whining, Julian and Avery thought about the bag of toys stuck at the top of the chimney. While they thought about it, Santa had a few more cookies. Julian and Avery paced back and forth thinking about that big sack of presents and Santa finished off the cookies – 24 cookies in all. A lot of cookies. And just as Santa sat down in the orange chair to take a rest from eating all the cookies, Julian said “I’ve got it! What if you took out a few presents, you could make the bag smaller, and it could fit down the chimney!” “Why that’s great thinking” said Santa. “Let’s go up on the roof and try out your plan.”

On top of the roof they saw the bag of presents lodged in the chimney. Julian said “now all we have to do is take a few presents out so the bag will be smaller and can fit down the chimney.” “But look” Santa said, “the opening of the bag is at the bottom. We can’t reach it!” Julian and Avery frowned and were disappointed. But they didn’t whine. Julian and Avery thought about this while Santa snuck a few cookies from his pocket. Julian smiled and said “Santa, why don’t you climb back up the chimney to the bag and take out a few presents, then the bag can fit down.” “That’s a great idea Julian. I think I’ll celebrate with some cookies.”

Once they got back down to the living room Santa started up the chimney. But he had eaten so many cookies he couldn’t get one inch up the chimney. “I’m sorry” Santa said “but I ate so many cookies I can’t make it up the chimney. Ho Ho Ho no.” Julian and Avery were sad again, but they didn’t whine.

“I’ll do it” Avery said. “Do what?” said Julian and Santa in unison. I’ll go up the chimney and take out a few presents so the bag can fit down.  “I’ll help you” said Julian. So Julian put Avery on his shoulders and stood on his very tippy toes as Avery stretched as far as he could till finally, he reached inside the bag and pulled out two presents. “I got em!” Avery shouted. Julian bent down and brought Avery out of the chimney. They were excited to have presents in their hand and they smiled at each other thinking about opening presents. “But now what?” Santa said.  “The bag is still stuck in the chimney.” Just then they all heard a noise. The bag in the chimney began to slide down the chimney till all the presents poured from the fireplace. The living room was full of presents for Julian and Avery. Santa bellowed “ho ho ho my goodness!”

Santa told Julian and Avery: “I have to leave now and deliver presents to other boys and girls and I want to thank you for helping me tonight. Instead of whining you solved the problem and now you get to unwrap all your gifts. A merry Christmas indeed!” Just as Santa was about to leave he asked “do you have any more cookies?”

Heidegger And The Bottle

I found myself oddly thinking about Heidegger last night as I gave a bottle to my little guy in the darkness of his room with the noise machine on, my eyes closed.

I thought about how Heidegger was an ontologist, studying Being, and how, like Descartes, he deduced a baseline, a fixed point, a north star if you will from which he could find his way.

Every freshman philosophy major will indeed be slack-jawed, rapt when they read Descartes’ Meditations and marvel at his fixed point – the cogito, deduced amid the hyperbolic doubt he so deftly describes. (Look at me, alliterating like a beatnik! (Thank you Captain Holt)).

Heidegger found his fixed point through phenomenological analysis:

In studying Being, this study begins from an individual being – the wondrous, beautiful, mean-what-we-say-say-what-we-mean german term Dasein…a being there. This being there is YOU!

This term is so packed and dense it is sublime. As a being there you are subject to a time, subject to a place and you were not free to choose the time or the place (time and place is the umwelt – the world around). This lack of freedom is something Heidegger called facticity – the inescapable accidents of your existence, like being born in 1970, in Ohio... and also you are not merely in the world, you are thrown into the world – another great german word: geworfenheit.

However, working through Sein und Zeit, one learns that after being thrown into the world, you freely choose your future, you freely choose your time and place but always in the light of historical constraints. You can be authentic while recognizing your facticity.

What occupied my mind the most was remembering the idea that with each choice we make, an infinite number of available choices become possible. Turn to your left and a whole new world is possible, turn to your right, the same. This may sound inane but consider your life: Did you follow your bliss? Did you become a success? Did you fail? Did you…?

Here’s the thing, it is not only the new world that opens with every choice, this is not the only thing that makes you up, because with each choice you make, other worlds and other choices are no longer possible.

Do you see it now? The fragility of the future, the past, the present? This is why the existentialists harped on authenticity. You should be authentic and follow your bliss because this world is tenuous my man, fleeting AF.

And here is where it got weird (er). I thought about the election. And all the possible worlds that will no longer be possible. And I felt fragile and as the parent I never thought I would be, I felt the fragility not just for me but for the little guy in my lap taking the bottle, and for his big brother trying to get to sleep upstairs.

I slept ok but I would be lying if I told you I’ve felt this way before…I have not. And I am 46, I have been through a few elections.

Give Way

For the heart-full and the sensitive

There comes a time when the emotions give

Way to the blank pages in between

And render the self unseen

Grasping in a pitch black light

Finding nothing and feeling like you might

Give way to the empty

Give way to the space

Give way to the they

That lie to your face

Give way to the hurt

And give way to the pain

That you feel

When they tell you it’s in vain