The Royal You

We asked, the Royal You answered

On Thursday, China’s Communist Party announced it was abandoning its unpopular one-child policy after 35 years.

How do you think this will impact China’s population?

I think there will be more brothers and sisters. - Bathsheeba Andrus, -Bouncer

China is a culturally rich country with a long-deep embedded spirit of filial piety. So a whole lot of dudes will be riding bareback from now on. - Maryrose Fillipson, Catholic Reformer

Their child labor market is just going to explode so Apple can go ahead and lower the price of their iphones. -Danny Lipscum, Fiduciary Gainer

The Royal You

We asked, the Royal You answered

South Carolina Senior Deputy Ben Fields was fired after videos surfaced of the officer forcibly removing a student from her high school math class.

Was the firing justified?

Yes, you can’t just drag a student out by the hair because she can’t do fractions. - Samson Firth, Helmet Wearer

The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun. - Wayne Robert LaPierre, Jr, Heat Packer

No but I heard his severance was a gift card to Dunkin' Donuts so it evened out. - Llana Turpin, Cornish Hen Skinner

The Royal You

We asked, the Royal You answered

The World Health Organization says bacon is cancerous.

Will you stop eating it?

How come pigs don’t have cancer? - Lex Farmer, Industrial Taxi

I’m a vegan, I only eat vegans. - Cryus Leaf, Financier

Do I have to stop smoking bacon-wrapped cigars too? - Lynn Vinnagrette, Nocturnal Emission Subject

The Royal You

We asked, the Royal You answered

China shadowed a US warship near man-made islands in the South China Sea.

Are you concerned?

Very. Did you see the opening ceremonies of the Olympics? These people can form a land bridge to Hawaii if they want. - Smith Roosevelt, Hacker

Are they going to stop making our phones? - Oscar Mallton, Brain Wave Surfer

Shadowing is one thing, stalking to the point of a restraining order is another. Isn’t it Lisa! - Tyler Mastiff, Furtive Associate

The Royal You

We asked, the Royal You answered

Donald Trump described a $1 million loan from his father as "small.”

What do you consider small?

Gotcha journalism. - Cassandra Thesbian, Astrologist Marketer

A large pizza. - Boris "Bombs Away" Cossack, Dough Stretcher

His chances. - Saul Bellefonte, 33RPM