Crying Over a Cot

What the hell is wrong with me?

Daycare just sent a pic of my 17 month old sleeping on a cot and I tear up?

From professional bachelor to weepy papa...ahh, life, you mysterious harlot.

It’s Gene Simmon’s Birthday

It’s Gene Simmon’s Birthday…so the top 5 perks of being Gene Simmons

5. Endorsement Deal with Revlon subsidiary, Kiss and Make-Up! nets hundreds if not hundreds and tens of dollars per year.

4. After launching his fashion label, "Gene Simmons - Dragonfly" in August 2002, he discovered the immense joy of seeing his clothes sold in Wal-Marts all across the southestern part of the Bed Sty section of Brooklyn.

3. Extremely long tongue makes it incredibly easy to eat an entire box of number 5 spaghetti in one bite.

2. Being married to a former playmate means unlimited access to Hugh Hefner’s erection archive.

1. Having never drank alcohol, used drugs, or smoked in his life, he has the unique ability to tolerate his music while sober.

Who Are You To F With Karma?

Just who do you think you are? What kind of ego and, dare I say it, chutzpah, must you have to fuck with karma? Have you been hiding under a rock for a millennia?

Ok, you wanna claim ignorance, claim ignorance. You know what they say about ignorance though. NO, you don’t know, because you’re ignorant!

Ignorance is no excuse. You could’ve messed with sasquatch but NoooOOOooo, you went and messed with karma and karma, my fickle friend, is a beast unlike anything Marshawn Lynch has ever seen.

Here’s what happened:

You were going about your day, when low and behold, driving home from wherever it is you loiter, you notice it, smack dab in the middle of the road, splayed open like a gutted deer in an west Virginia kindergarten, a wallet.

Huh, you think. So you stop your car and mosey on over to take a looksee.  You pick it up and open the cash drawer on the thing and there it is, moolah! Quite a bit of moolah for someone like you. more than nough to fund more than a few scratch offs, a six of nattie light, and some taco bell.

You are excited but what do you go and do, you think about it. And you mull it over, and you run scenarios in the feeble organ you like to call a brain. Should I shouldn’t I? What would Kant do? What would Kanye do? Remember the categorical imperative. You moralizing dolt…you decide to return the wallet and not only the wallet but all those sweet greenbacks.

You are doing the right thing you think, the ethical thing, the moral thing, the thing Kant would have done via the categorical imperative.

But you’ve completely fucked it up!

You see, karma had a plan for the wallet loser, mainly losing his wallet and dough. You remember karma right? What goes around comes around? Good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people? K-a-r-m-a with a K? Ringing any bells?

This dude is bad and I mean bad as in bad not bad as in good. This dude is a lawbreaker, heartbreaker, drug taker, orgasm faker and karma was about to render some karma style justice until you stepped in.

He was about to get his comeuppance, lose his wallet, money, and chipotle gift card because of heinous acts he committed but noooOOOooo, you intervene and stop justice right in its tracks.

Don’t you see, this was the going around that was coming around? Karma was about to do its thing.

I fear for you. Karma has you in its sights now. Be careful, tread lightly, you may want to hunker down for a day or year or two.

Next time, heed karma, and go get yourself some taco bell with your free money.

Taco Bell, speaking of what goes around, comes around.

[serious questions for people:

How is one supposed to know when karma is depending on your actions to be a part of the "what goes around, comes around"  equation? 

Who knew that karma and morality could be mutually exclusive?]

Halle Berry's Birthday!

It’s Halle Berry’s Birthday today…so, the top5 perks of being Halle Berry

5. Looking in the mirror

4. Vintage Atlanta Braves gear in the attic

3. As a Cleveland Native, she can more easily appear heartbroken on film

2. Gets to wear catwoman outfit every Halloween, Christmas

1. Friendship with Hugh Jackman means getting to hear him break into song on an almost constant basis

Meaninglessness

Is meaninglessness a word?

I digress.

Found this on buzzfeed:

I Asked Atheists How They Find Meaning In A Purposeless Universe

If there’s no afterlife or reason for the universe, how do you make your life matter? Warning: The last answer may break your heart. 

I think Alvy's mom and the Doc sum it up quite nicely:

"We've got to enjoy ourselves while we're here. Ha ha Ha HA ha!"

 

Connections

Weird series of events that led me to something beautiful today.

It appears I will be teaching Psych 101 again this fall.

So I'm doing a little prep, reading the lecture resources and chapter 1 has a section on naturalistic observation. Easy enough. Sometimes they like to point out films that are relevant to the topic and for Naturalist Observation a Norwegian film, Kitchen Stories is referenced.

Here is the trailer:

I watched the trailer and then started in on the film, while I'm doing other stuff of course, when a piano song warmly embraces me, puts it arms around me, and lightens the proverbially existential load I carry around as part of the human being job description.

Just a beautiful tone and progression with a memorable melody.

Here it is:

One of the funner more creative things I am doing as a family man now is making movies of my family on my imac. I think I just found a song that needs a movie.

Right?

The rain came through the umbrella like a sieve. The day could not get any worse. A huge case of the shits right before a big interview, only to get lost on the way out which required a call to security to raise the gate-arm – embarrassing…and now rain soaked before a third date after which he hoped to get laid. Would there be streaks on his boxers? It was a horrible case of the shits; sweating, hot flashes, huge pulses of showery shit which only rendered painful wipes leading to blood on the toilet paper. He didn’t have time to go back home so he didn’t know if he had soiled his boxers. He hadn’t crouched or anything but when one defecates that many times in an hour span, it figures there will be some collateral damage. What would she think if as they were stripping clothes, he had shit stains on his boxers or even worse, what if she just smelled it? He quickly sniffed as if it might make a difference in the pouring rain. He couldn’t smell shit. Hell if he gets any wetter the smell would dissipate with the rain. Right?

I am determined…not to be so determined. Well I guess I am a little competitive and it gets in the way of what my parents and therapist call, happiness. I guess those losers are happier but hey I am approaching this with an open mind. So I need to back off on the competitiveness thing. I can do it, I know I can. But I’ve been thinking about this and I started wondering last night if this means I have to lose on purpose when I compete or not to compete at all? I sorta guess there could be a competing at half-speed kinda thing but isn’t that in the end losing on purpose? I can always compete just enough to win but in that sense have I really backed off the competitiveness thing? I am still going to win and do whatever it takes to win but I just let my opponent or opponents determine what the whatever is. Seems disingenuous to me and my parents and therapists didn’t say anything about being disingenuous. Why back off the competitiveness if it means being disingenuous? And who are they to say I’m not happy? I’m happy just fine. Would I be happier if I were disingenuous? Sounds unlikely. But like I say I am approaching this with an open mind; open to losing and being disingenuous I guess but hey, that is what the rents and the pist wants soooo, I gots to do it. Right?

Everything in moderation. Even moderation. Any logician worth his/her weight in modus ponens will tell you that things get stickier than George Bret’s bat when one uses terms like ‘all’ or ‘none’. Whenever these god forsaken terms are used, one counter incident ruins the whole shebang. What’s a shebang? So if I say everyone is an idiot and you find one person who is not an idiot, then I turn out to be an idiot. Or if I say nothing is worse than mutton and you go and concoct some haggis mutton hybrid laced with a skunk’s anal gland then I turn out to be wrong and who wants to be wrong? Am I right? No one wants to be wrong. There, you see, I did it again. Now if you go and find some joe or jane schmo that indeed wants to be wrong then I’m wrong and no one – yikes! Doing it again. Heloooooooooo, anyone in there? Stop using all or no you idiot. Don’t ever use all or none. Right?