Feign With The Best Of Them

If it hasn’t been written it doesn’t exist. Pretty good line he thought. But this too shall pass he thought. All of it, it’s all going to pass. The only thing that won’t pass is the process of passing. That’s a start he thought. He had been doing this a lot lately, blocking thoughts into lines and quotations as if these were the only thing that mattered. Maybe he needed to get back to timeless processes instead of sophistry. Maybe. Maybe he needed to produce, at any cost. Who gives two fucks if a timeless process is at the heart of x if x doesn’t bring home any goddamn bacon? Here he goes again. Bring on the rant about substance over style and a million ways to tell the truth and das man and pretty soon he’d be telling you about kids these days and how he walked to school in the snow. Boring. He wanted to be a change agent but he’d lost his own agency years ago. Now just because the loss of his agency was slow, doesn’t mean it wasn’t radical. And it would take some radical act to get it back. But perhaps along, with his agency, he’s lost his balls too. He could feign with the best of them…but it wasn’t enough…anymore. As a result of the epic embarrassment at the hands of the grocery store clerk. That bitch. She had no right. She was inappropriate to say the fucking least. She would have to pay and pay the fuck up. He didn’t snap but he was bent all kinds of out of shape. Just thinking about it, which he did on the hour ever since, three weeks ago, tightened his stomach in forearms into marbled cysts. Fuck her! I pulled the goddamn number from the machine, I followed protocol…a fucking deli clerk, are you fucking kidding me? he thought.

If it hasn’t been written it doesn’t exist. He would have to write about it. Was he actually going to write to a grocery manager? Was he going to be a complete hypocrite, a testicleless hypocrite who writes a letter to the editor, only it’s not an editor, it’s a guy who wears a nametag and  helps stocks shelves when things get really busy. Was this letter going to help him get his agency back? Would this turn the tide for him? Did a deli clerk with an attitude turn out to be the straw that broke the camel’s back?

Turns out, things were written and one thing that was written was an obituary. Nothing about regaining or losing agency was mentioned in the obituary.

The Least Of All Possible Worlds

For some reason I was thinking about Leibnitz last night. My shining moment in grad school was during my continental rationalism class. In this class students had to teach certain sections and I got selected to teach Leibnitz’ concept of pre-established harmony and how it relates to free will. The concept is beyond crazy but my approach to teaching it was, as I said, my shining moment in grad school.

So for Leibnitz, god was perfect and this perfection implies that god is not subject to time. If god were subject to time he would be becoming – potential and not actual. This was important for Leibnitz. God is perfect through and through and there is nothing god has yet to become perfect at. God doesn’t need to practice to become better at say, playing the piano.

Ok, so that is established.

Next, god, not being subject to time, created the universe/multiverse/world and everything in it when god came in to being. Everything, all at the same time.

Why?

Because god is perfect and not subject to time.

Stay with me here.

A perfect being, god, cannot create anything imperfect. God is not subject to time and neither are god’s creations subject to time.

Stay with me.

So you think time is unfolding and that there is a past of events already occurred and a future with events yet to occur.

But nein mein freund.

You are not subject to time because you my friend are the creation of a perfect being.

Fun huh.

So how does Leibnitz account for this seeming unfolding of time? Like the time you went to first grade and when you got your driver’s license, your first date with your future spouse, the bad chili you ate from 99, and the future events like tripping and falling into a fountain at the local mall?

The answer lies in the inspection of another attribute of Leibnitz’ perfect god. God, for Leibnitz, cannot be passive. Things cannot happen to god. Things can only happen from a perfect being.

Now you, as a created perfect being are also not passive. Things only happen from you (sans existence).

So the time you met your first grade teacher happened from you, not to you.

Here is where it gets kinky, the same is true for your first grade teacher. You happened from her, you didn’t happen to her.

Here is how Leibnitz reconciled this kinkiness: Though the two of you never really met, because you would have to be passive for that, god pre-established this meeting, at the moment of creation, so that the unfolding of you meeting your teacher, which happens from you, coincides with your teacher meeting you, which happens from her.

Man is this fun.

For those that like visuals, you are a windowless being according to Leibnitz. Nothing comes in but ah, smart guy Leibnitz said that you are a mirror – you reflect your world…and all the events seemingly unfolding.

Don’t’ even think of mentioning solipsism at this point.

Get to your supposed shining moment there Leibinshitz.

So, how does this pre-established harmony jibe with your sense of free will? You know, that crazy idea that you are in charge of raising your arm and walking across the street and overpaying for Springsteen tickets?

Good question when you think about it. God established all events at the moment of creation but yet it isn’t determined that you struck out in that little league game in 82 or did that keg stand in 95 or backed into that tree last year.

We could have a serious problem here because if free will is out the window, then morality and ethics go with it. Makes no sense to talk about “ought or ought not” when every event is determined. And how would we spend our free time if we couldn’t judge people on what they should and should not be doing? “Use yah blinker! Don’t taze me bro!” You get the idea.

Solution:

Consider an old style movie projector running. The projector is showing a movie: The movie that is your life.

(HINT: remember god is not subject to time)

So god watches the movie of your life, the movie where you are indeed in charge of your decisions and choose freely to do the things you do – like major in philosophy or choose teriyaki over buffalo wings – and ultimately decides to implement you and your free choices movie/life into the universe.

Just because god knows what you are going to do doesn’t determine what you do.

God may have watched several versions of your freely chosen life but only selected one for the actual universe. Think of your life having various pilots prior to existence, but only one made it to screen.

God can watch all of the pilots because god isn’t subject to time.

Here is the kinkiest part of all, because god is perfect and only perfect creations can happen from a perfect being, the universe is perfect and you, yes you, and your life with all of those zany decisions are also perfect and make up the best of all possible worlds.

The best?

Yep. Best ever.

Even when I got drunk and threw up in my shoes?

Best ever.

Really?

Uh-huh.

I just feel like in the best of all possible worlds, the Browns would be better.

You are thinking of the least of all possible worlds.

Do you know where your pantheism is?

What does it all mean?

The all in this case being, my shit…as in all of my concerns about all of my issues and responsibilities and why some of these aren’t more concerning to me and how this impacts my marriage which in turn impacts my overall concern level about concerns, both individual and en totum. 

Because it’s all connected right? You don’t have to be Spinoza to see this. You don’t have to have pantheism in your vocabulary to know that your mommy and daddy issues affect you and your potential mate and potential children and rearing of children and interpersonal relationships and then you remember that your parents’ parents influenced them and how your dad’s old man was as cold as ice in August and blah blah blah…

But I digress. 

Speaking of regressing, did you catch the epic regression of the United States on tv the other night? Wow. The beginning of the end right? 

Which brings us back to it all being connected. Reminds me of a joke by George Carlin on education:

"Not too bright, folks. Not too fucking bright. But if you talk to one of them about this, if you isolate one of them, you sit 'em down rationally, you talk to 'em about the low IQ's and the dumb behavior and the bad decisions; right away they start talking about education. That's the big answer to everything: Education. They say, 'We need more money for education. We need more books, more teachers, more classrooms, more schools. We need more testing for the kids!' You say to 'em, 'Well, you know, we've tried all that and the kids still can't pass the tests'. They say, 'Aw, don't you worry about that, we're gonna lower the passing grades!' And that's what they do in a lot of these schools now, they lower the passing grades so more kids can pass. More kids pass, the school looks good, everybody's happy; the IQ of the country slips another two or three points and pretty soon, all you'll need to get into college is a fucking pencil! 'Gotta pencil? Get the fuck in there, it's physics!' Then everyone wonders why 17 other countries graduate more scientists than we do. Education!
Politicians know that word; they use it on you. Politicians have traditionally hidden behind three things: the flag, the Bible and children. 'No Child Left Behind! No Child Left Behind!' 'Oh really, well it wasn't long ago you were talking about giving kids a Head Start! Head Start, Left Behind, someone's losing fucking ground here!' But there's a reason. There's a reason. There's a reason for this. There's a reason education sucks and it's the same reason it will never, ever, ever be fixed. It's never going to get any better, don't look for it, be happy with what you got. Because the owners of this country don't want that.
I'm talking about the real owners now. The big, wealthy...The real owners, the big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. Forget the politicians, they're an irrelevancy. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don't. You have no choice. You have owners. They own you. They own everything. They own all the important land. They own and control the corporations. They've long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the statehouses, the city halls. They've got the judges in their back pockets, and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. They've got you by the balls! They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying – lobbying to get what they want. Well, we know what they want; they want more for themselves and less for everybody else.
But I'll tell you what they don't want. They don't want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. They don't want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking.
They're not interested in that! That doesn't help them. That's against their interests. That's right! You know something? They don't want people who are smart enough to sit around the kitchen table and figure out how badly they're getting fucked by a system that threw them overboard 30 fucking years ago. They don't want that! You know what they want? They want Obedient Workers – Obedient Workers. People who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork but just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly shittier jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and the vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it. And, now, they're coming for your Social Security money. They want your fucking retirement money. They want it back, so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street. And you know something? They'll get it. They'll get it all from you, sooner or later, because they own this fucking place. It's a big club - and you ain't in it! You and I are not in the big club.
By the way, it's the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long and they tell you what to believe...All day long, beating you over the head in the media, what to believe, what to think and what to buy...The table is tilted, folks! The game is rigged! And nobody seems to notice, and nobody seems to care! Good honest, hard-working people! White collar, blue collar... Doesn't matter what color shirt you have on! Good honest, hard-working people continue...These are people of modest means!...continue to elect these rich cocksuckers who don't give a fuck about them! They don't give a fuck about you! They don't give a fuck about you! They don't care about you! At all! At all! At all! Yeah! You know? And nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care. That's what the owners count on. The fact that Americans probably will remain willfully ignorant of the big red white and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes every day! Because the owners of this country know the truth - it's called the American Dream: because you have to be asleep to believe it."

Reality Radar

The optimism of Terry Pluto just can’t be corralled. You could put a shit burger in front of Terry and he’d say “Aww, you toasted the bun. How nice.” I’m not against optimism, it just rubs my reality radar the wrong way is all and in Terry’s Case, his blind optimism for the Browns borders on some sort of dissociative fugue state dating all the way back to his beat reporter days. Terry is optimistic after the Browns began the season 0-3 losing in overtime to the winless/hapless/less-and-less Dolphins in which the Browns missed three field goals. Yep, time to make lemonade from those lemons because the Browns are going places. In this case, this place is last in the AFC North but you already knew that. Oh wait did I mention that they will be in last place next year too? You see, the Browns are stockpiling draft picks and have a bunch of Kurt Gödel’s running stats into a Texas Instruments calculator while the current players run up not only the loss column but also the hospital bills because the team sucks so bad. 

Here’s the thing and you don’t have to memorize lines from The Natural to know this: 

“Losing is a disease…as contagious as syphilis.”

 And the Browns lose. A lot. The most actually and the next two years isn’t going to change the losing but the Terry Pluto’s of the world think that because there is a plan in place to get younger that somehow the Browns will get “winnier.” Yep, the stats and the Ramanujan’s tell us to get younger and build through stockpiling draft picks. 

Just one question: Who is going to change the culture of losing that permeates and saturates the ethos that has become the Browns? 

I lied. Just two questions: How is the culture of losing that permeates and saturates the Browns going to get changed?

…especially after two seasons of unprecedented losing with (got to follow the plan!) young players?

Young players are vulnerable. Psychologically. To losing. The disease of losing may be curable but we shouldn’t rely on the ones in the hospital beds, figuratively and literally, to do the curing should we? It's hard to play football let alone win at football when you are in traction.

Coach Hue Jackson will be the salesman of the millennium if he can get his young players to believe the team will win IN THE FUTURE even as the losses pile higher than the number of slings and crutches in the locker room. 

And I don’t want to sound like a walking tautology but isn’t the only way to not lose, to win? The ethos and the losing culture won’t change until wins happen.

The Pluto’s of the world are banking on the future and the “plan.” 

Be optimistic, wear rose colored glasses if you want, get season tickets for 2019 if you want; just know that getting into the playoffs is based on win-loss record. If you don’t believe me, ask the Steelers, Ravens, and Bengals. 

Hell, ask Butch Davis if you want.