Not Exactly David Lee Roth

Here you are trying to make some sort of headway with this quote unquote character. Good luck with that; you might as well play the lottery or enjoy having your gums scraped. It’s not like you have any sort of chance with such a personality. Let’s face it you aren’t exactly David Lee Roth. But this isn’t your fault; he came up to you. Sure, he may be drunk bordering on incoherent and he may have puke in his hair but he came up to you. Is he popular? Check. Does he have great hair even if there are specks of regurgitated gyro in it? Check. Would his breath smell better with a 55 gallon drum of tic tacs, ingested over the course of an hour? Probably. You might be better off if you were drunk or at least buzzed but you don’t drink. Does he know you don’t drink? Wait why would he know that? You aren’t exactly popular; some bathroom stalls are more known in the school than you…but here you are…at a party…with popular people, and him. He probably wants one thing but he needs a shower. And you didn’t think popular kids could stink. My my the funk on his preppy clothes. Did he just say something about homework? Does he want you to do his homework? Hard to make out what he is saying; he might be throwing up in his mouth every few minutes. Is that the one thing he wants? Sheesh! Time to make a break for it. Where is Brittney? She swore she wouldn’t leave me. Is that her microwaving hot dogs with velveeta? You should just walk away, he won’t remember anything. His friend left though. He was urging him to go streaking down to the gas station. Now it is just the two of you. He keeps looking at you. You haven’t said one word. Not one. What is he saying? Did he just sit on the couch next to you? Leave. Leave now. Brittney is eating two hot dogs at once. Was that his breath in your ear? Why is he still drinking? And a wine cooler at that? What was that last word, was it “alone” or “Al Capone”? Leave. Leave now! You are about to stand when Brittney punches him in the face and squirts mustard all over him. “He was going to tape this sign on your back” she says. She shows you a piece of notebook paper with intoxicated lettering reading french (kiss) tutor.