Comedy Writing Secrets by Mel Helitzer

I am enjoying Comedy Writing Secrets by Mel Helitzer. He taught a comedy writing class at one of my alma maters, Ohio University.

There are some assignments in the book like:

Change, add or delete one letter from the following words and create a definition.

Foreplay
Sarcasm
Inoculate
Hepatitis
Libido
Ignoramus

I came up with:

Fourplay – getting ready for an orgy

Scarcasm – adding insult to injury

Dinoculate – vaccinate a T-Rex

Shepatitis – dog disease

Glibido – a desire for phony retorts

Ignoranus – don’t mind the asshole

Or what is called a simple-truth gag (playing on literal meaning).

For the following:

Are you free tonight?

                No, twenty bucks an hour or $50 for 3.

                Call me Shannon tonight.

                Close, I’m dirt cheap tonight.

                No but we can base it on a sliding scale.

                But I’ll be back in prison in no time.

               

My girlfriend was faithful to the end.

                I just wish she would have been faithful at the beginning.

                Yeah, the end of the bed.

We never serve women at the bar.

                Unless they have a net.

                You have to order them at a table.

                We’re not cannibals you know!

Cleanliness is next to godliness.

                So Jesus  is beside himself.         

Judge: The court awards your wife $200 a week for support.

                The Tony awards would have been much more.

What you got?