Cliché Clash

Taking on more clichés:

Face the music

-unless, it’s shitty, then turn the other cheek

Fly by the seat of your pants

-because shit attracts flies

Fly on the wall

-because your pants are there

Full of piss and vinegar

-begins the worst recipe ever

Get off on the wrong foot

-said the foot fetishist who couldn’t tell right from left

Hit the ground running

-especially when the cops are after you

Hit the hay

-what did the hay ever do to you?

-and if it doesn’t hit back, take a roll in it.

I have not slept one wink

-until you’ve slept with Wink Martindale

I will wear my heart upon my sleeve

-and die shortly after

  Knock on wood

-because the doorbell is broken

Know the ropes

-before you bungee jump

Know which way the wind blows

-before you pee outside

Less is more

-unless you are Less Nessman

Let there be light

-because I lost my keys

Let your hair down

-it’s been on its feet all day

Middle of the road

-is about page 143, though I’m not a big Cormac McCarthy fan

Never the twain shall meet

-bullshit, this guy met the twain

New kid on the block

-is a whole lot better than the adult on the slab

Not playing with a full deck

-will lead to many a solitaire hands

O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo

-in the last place you look

One for the road

-means a .08 for the breathalyzer

Out of sight, out of mind

-was never once uttered by Ray Charles

Paint the town red

-unless you plan to sell the town, then stick to a neutral color.

Play the race card

-in Las Vegas’ newest game, Prejudice Jack