Footlong Hot Dogs

You have to respect Carl’s Jr and Hardees: they just don’t give a shit. They are just going to shove all that T&A in your face until you relent and say “OK, I’ll have a burger, just get those tits out of my face so I can actually get the food to my mouth.”  Have you seen these commercials? It’s like soft porn with special sauce. Victoria’s secret is that she likes mayo on hers. Sheesh. You think you are watching a swimsuit video and then they throw in a chicken sandwich at the very end and you’re like “Hey, I was having a moment here!” 

Sauces are dripping, skin is glistening, breast are protruding, asses are g strung, buttons are popping but before you get too mad at the blatant objectification of women, just imagine if they sold hot dogs! What would those commercials be like!

Headlines

A lot of people are wondering what color that dress is. 

 I’m colorblind and depressed so it’s definitely black. 

Did you see those Llamas on the run in Arizona?

                Llamas on the lamb. Kinky.  

Madonna says she suffered whiplash from the Brit Awards fall.

           Thank goodness she had her Medical Guardian Panic Button.

2/23/2015 Jokes

I was a philosophy major in college and every girl I dated wondered why. 

My grandfather was a cold man: He shook my hand at my high school graduation and I got frost bite. His cards were always signed With Mild Consideration, and his cause of death was Emotional Infarction.

I dated a painter back in college. You know the type: emotional, messy, with brushes and paints strewn around. It didn’t work out. She never offered to paint me in the nude so I got drunk and told her one night how this pissed me off. She said she was a house painter and that if I paid any attention to her, I would know that. What am I a detective? I don’t go snooping around people’s jobs all day and listen to them talk about their work. And besides, how is a den different from my beer belly?