Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Ivy League Stream of Consciousness




Beef Wellington
Wellington goes to Yale next Fall.
Yale like your throat will never hurt.
Where’s the beef?
Wellington is a girl.
Or a pet.
Can pets go to Yale?
No, the residence hall policy permits no pets, not even goldfish.
Maybe Wellington should go to Bucknell instead; Bucknell permits pets. Pets are permitted at Bucknell, I repeat pets are permitted.
With all due respect, Bucknell isn’t Yale, even with pets permitted. I repeat, not Yale.
What if there were some jackoff named Yale and he went to Yale? Would the world implode or at least his yacht and sweater vest after cocktails and summering on the vineyard?
Wasn’t there a Yale in Woody Allen’s Manhattan?

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