Right?

The rain came through the umbrella like a sieve. The day could not get any worse. A huge case of the shits right before a big interview, only to get lost on the way out which required a call to security to raise the gate-arm – embarrassing…and now rain soaked before a third date after which he hoped to get laid. Would there be streaks on his boxers? It was a horrible case of the shits; sweating, hot flashes, huge pulses of showery shit which only rendered painful wipes leading to blood on the toilet paper. He didn’t have time to go back home so he didn’t know if he had soiled his boxers. He hadn’t crouched or anything but when one defecates that many times in an hour span, it figures there will be some collateral damage. What would she think if as they were stripping clothes, he had shit stains on his boxers or even worse, what if she just smelled it? He quickly sniffed as if it might make a difference in the pouring rain. He couldn’t smell shit. Hell if he gets any wetter the smell would dissipate with the rain. Right?

I am determined…not to be so determined. Well I guess I am a little competitive and it gets in the way of what my parents and therapist call, happiness. I guess those losers are happier but hey I am approaching this with an open mind. So I need to back off on the competitiveness thing. I can do it, I know I can. But I’ve been thinking about this and I started wondering last night if this means I have to lose on purpose when I compete or not to compete at all? I sorta guess there could be a competing at half-speed kinda thing but isn’t that in the end losing on purpose? I can always compete just enough to win but in that sense have I really backed off the competitiveness thing? I am still going to win and do whatever it takes to win but I just let my opponent or opponents determine what the whatever is. Seems disingenuous to me and my parents and therapists didn’t say anything about being disingenuous. Why back off the competitiveness if it means being disingenuous? And who are they to say I’m not happy? I’m happy just fine. Would I be happier if I were disingenuous? Sounds unlikely. But like I say I am approaching this with an open mind; open to losing and being disingenuous I guess but hey, that is what the rents and the pist wants soooo, I gots to do it. Right?

Everything in moderation. Even moderation. Any logician worth his/her weight in modus ponens will tell you that things get stickier than George Bret’s bat when one uses terms like ‘all’ or ‘none’. Whenever these god forsaken terms are used, one counter incident ruins the whole shebang. What’s a shebang? So if I say everyone is an idiot and you find one person who is not an idiot, then I turn out to be an idiot. Or if I say nothing is worse than mutton and you go and concoct some haggis mutton hybrid laced with a skunk’s anal gland then I turn out to be wrong and who wants to be wrong? Am I right? No one wants to be wrong. There, you see, I did it again. Now if you go and find some joe or jane schmo that indeed wants to be wrong then I’m wrong and no one – yikes! Doing it again. Heloooooooooo, anyone in there? Stop using all or no you idiot. Don’t ever use all or none. Right?