Proverb Profundity Prosecuted

What are proverbs?

Every culture has a collection of wise sayings that offer advice about how to live your life. These sayings are called "proverbs".

"Two wrongs don't make a right."

But 4 lefts get you back to where you started where you could then, make a right.

"The pen is mightier than the sword."

I decided to put this to the test. I grabbed a college freshman with AP credit for English Composition, armed him with a pen, and put him in a fight to the death cage match with a gifted swordsman certified from the Association for Renaissance Martial Arts, armed with a San Martin Curved Saber (shown below). The pen lost. Neeeeeeeeeeeeext!

"When in Rome, do as the Romans."

The romans engaged in some very heinous acts I choose not to be a part of thank you very much.

"The squeaky wheel gets the grease."

Go ahead, grease that wheel and the next thing you know you are a mechanic, working Saturdays at Midas doing oil changes and tire rotations for next to nothing, which nets you a quick divorce which means you have to oil more squeaky wheels which results in more shifts, another divorce, an alcohol problem, you only eat anything drenched in Sriracha, and you pine for the days of squeaky, oh so squeaky wheels.

"No man is an island."

Seems to me like Tom Hanks got pretty ripped when he was an island. 

"Fortune favors the bold."

And so do the Darwin awards.

"People who live in glass houses should not throw stones."

This is just stupid. Anyone with a glass house is obviously loaded and wouldn’t have gravel in the house. There is probably a sweet mud room not to mention a staff of servants to clean up. There won’t be any stones to throw so what is the problem?

"Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst."

Who has time to hope when the bomb shelter needs finished?

"Better late than never."

As an ER surgeon, I can honestly say that this is not so. I’m a great doctor but I need a pulse.