2015 Resolutions

New Year’s Resolutions are total bullshit.

Here are mine:

1.       Parent better

2.       Learn how to parent better

3.       Learn how to husband better

4.       Husband better

5.       Floss

6.       Run a half marathon

7.       Eat less cheese (I currently eat a 3 pound wheel a week)

8.       Ear train (the current lineup includes Everclear’s Santa Monica… requests?)

9.       Juggle 4 objects (I can juggle 3 but not while I sing the alphabet song)

10.   100 pushups without stopping

11.   Complete the running video that was so rudely interrupted around 4 years ago when a cat vehemently, maliciously, and ubiquitously urinated on and in my laptop

12.   Eat beets

13.   Rock out more

14.   Jazz it up more

15.   Keep a lower profile

16.   Seem less squirrelly to the uninitiated

17.   Take notes on movie editing for aforementioned running video that was so rudely interrupted around 4 years ago when a cat vehemently, maliciously, and ubiquitously urinated on and in my laptop

18.   Create a 12 step program for arsonists

19.   Write a decent short story about a guy who has an idea about making a running video only to be rudely interrupted when a cat vehemently, maliciously, and ubiquitously urinates on his laptop but he perseveres and along with the help of a rag tag little league team he beats the all star Yankees, publishes his short story in the New Yorker, and gets to meet Woody Allen after a rain drenched stay in Manhattan.

20.   Make fewer resolutions

21.   Research the meta-analysis of the breakdown of complex statistical data