3/18/14 Monologue

An international land and sea search for a missing Malaysian jetliner is covering an area the size of Australia. But there is some good news; Courtney Love has stepped forward to help with the mystery. Courtney, there are no drugs or eyeliner on the jet. Now you can go back to producing your greatest hits album entitled ‘The Whole Hole’.

Get this, Kate Winslet named her son Bear Blaze. Relax people. Polar Pyre, Fox Fire, and Moose Match were not even close to being in the running.

Apparently March Madness has its cost: Researchers estimate that the cost of employees filling out brackets at work is 1.2 billion and another 660 million because employees are watching games at work. But the same researchers failed to mention that the profits from Buffalo wings, nachos, and beer quadruple those estimates. And that’s just from Chris Christie’s first round!

Rachel Canning recently sued her mother and father for financial support and college tuition but decided to drop the lawsuit on Tuesday, according to a decision by a Superior Court judge in New Jersey. In a statement issued by her attorney, Rachel said she is just glad to be back home with her iPhone. Yeah, not so easy to be away from that phone is it Rachel? Check Mate! Said the Canning rents.

Lastly, Miley Cyrus' tour bus caught fire Monday night and was destroyed. The good news is that everyone got off safely: Miley, Willie Nelson, The Jamaican bobsled team, and Michael Phelps were all unscathed after the incident and recovering at a nearby Dominoes.