There is hell, where souls burn for eternity and endure
endless pain and agony exponentially greater than any earthly feeble pain like
being caught in the gears of a combine harvester or having your feet sawed off
at the ankles with a hacksaw and then there is the hell for
Drivers who wait to the last second to merge when they saw
the goddamn lane ends, merge right signs a fucking mile and half-mile ago!
Yes, these people will surely burn in a special section of
hell reserved for the absolute, unequivocally worst of the worst. Murderers,
rapists, torturers, and Patriots fans have a cakewalk in hell compared to
these “people.” People is a misnomer. Because when you get down to it, these are
monsters to the nth degree. One can imagine the havoc they would wreak on the
globe if not for the good people like you and me who stop them from clubbing baby seals, destroying
humanity and the universe as we know it.
When these monsters get to the pearly gates to be judged by
Peter, he is just going to show them video of them driving up as far as they
can then BOTTLENECKING every decent person on their commute home. Peter will
nod his head no in disgust and the floor will drop out from under the monster
as she/he/monster falls naked down a chute of poison sumac as spritzes from skunk
anal scent glands assail their bodies and olfactory senses while Yanni’s
greatest hits blares through kmart speakers as they are hurled into the
deepest, darkest, boiling layer of hell.
And for eternity, the pain, the anguish, the hell…will
continue…while the only thought allowed is
why didn’t I merge earlier?
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