Stupid copywriting, I didn't want to do it anyway

I recently finished Behave: The Biology of Humans At Our Best and Worst by Robert Sapolsky and was taken aback at how he points out what socioeconomic status and early trauma can do to a person. 

Namely, me.

And here I sit, in a nice house, reading a book for a copywriting class I get to take...for free when a certain passage hits me and I realize just how correct Sapolsky is.

The book for the copywriting class is The Well Fed Writer: Financial Self-Sufficiency as a Commercial Freelancer in Six Months or Less, by Peter Bowerman.

The chapter is Nuts and Bolts and the Passage is The Ebb and Flow of Work, where he writes:

"...in most cases, human nature usually prevails: we market a bunch, get work, stop marketing, only to resume after the job's done. The result? Alternating periods of being swamped and dead in the water. C'est la vie..."

And in 4 sentences I know I can't be a freelance copywriter.

(Disclosure: I was not planning on being a freelance copywriter or a non-freelance copywriter. I'm taking a class to learn some stuff.)

But the thought of not having a job and not having an income, meager it may be, is too anxiety provoking to give this career a second thought. 

Growing up with 8 people in a 2 bedroom home that could have six inches of water in the basement means I have to keep my world small and routine and perhaps the most important part of that routine is money (again meager) coming in.

I can't ebb and flow with money, I can't C'est la vie. I won't make it.

Why?

Socioeconomic status and trauma.

We are thrown into the world, with no choice of where we land or into which hands and homes. 

I have a choice now but it is limited. Free will is limited at best, an illusion at worst. 

Stupid copywriting, I didn't want to do it anyway.