Smoke This

March 19, 2020

But here’s a thousand dollars. Don’t spend it all in one place.

And oh how far we’ve come, and oh how high we’ll get. Marijuana, yes, weed, pot, mary jane, herb, the sticky icky is not only legal but essential. Social distancing got you stressed? The isolation a bit too much in these trying times? Well then just replace it with paranoia and mild hallucinations. The grocery stores are empty and the supply chain is teetering on collapse but that doesn’t mean you can’t get the munchies.

And let us not forget that the number of cases are about to rise dramatically. As if anything reported right now isn’t dramatic. Knowledge may be power but what good is it when you’re too depressed from the knowledge to do anything but subsist. I’d like my power with a side of freedom and for dessert I’ll have the autonomy pie a la positivity. 

And whew, for a second there I almost thought we’d lost our racism. But no worries, we can call it the kung flu and insidiously blame asians, you know, on the down low. What’s the worst that could happen? 

Wrong question to ask. Now they’re saying this could stretch into August. August. 

au·gust

/ôˈɡəst/

adjective

1. respected and impressive.

I picked the wrong year to turn fifty. I survive for half a century and now the world is gonna take a shit? A huge, steaming, covoid-infected dump all over me and my mid-life crisis. 

At least relief legislation was signed into law. By an infected congress as the economy collapses and butter becomes a thing of the past for everybody but the one percent.

Ok now, tone it down, take it easy, relax. Just google butter and learn how to make it from spare parts about the house. This is not the time to let your imagination run away with your Beyond Thunderdome images, Walter Tevis Mockingbird dystopia, and Lord Of The Flies savagery, with Cormac McCarty providing voice over. Calm the fuck down. And for christ sakes, get some fucking firearms and ammunition. To soothe the nerves. 

(checks liquor cabinet)

Alaska has a case. Alaska. Where polar bears bitch about the cold. Where the people are so tough they’re rumored to just eat their jeans in times of famine - Alaska. 

We could be fucked and not in the young and in shape, look good naked, horny as hell, estrus inflamed, bout to burst kind of fucked.

Didn’t I just tell you to calm down?

Calm down. Smoke this. Better to be paranoid than realistic. 

Unless of course they or it, really are coming for you.

In which case, smoke this, cuz you’re fucked.