Pivot

There’s a pivotal line from a BB King CD, Live In Cook County Jail where he is telling a story to the crowd about changing a man and says that 

“you can’t raise him over again.” 

Well I can’t go back in time and get new parents and get different parenting. But when my wife holds up a mirror and reflects my nurture history right back at me, I do think about changing my behavior. But, it ends there. I feel that I can, to some extent, change the output, the behavior, but I can’t, don’t have the power to change, my feelings. I can’t I can’t I can’t. Won’t implies some sort of effort and control and I feel like I have none over my feelings, as it pertains to my marriage and my relationship with my wife. This lack of, this inability, to feel differently comes from my parents and the parenting I received, viewed. If my wife is correct and I am angry and cold, from where does this derive? Insecurity? People get the same external input but have different feelings about the input. I wish I could change my feelings. Or do I? Are my feelings not valid because they cause turbulence? Why is turbulence the measure of validity? My nurture is pivotal indeed. But pivot to where?