Definitions and Dipsticks

[Interior – Auto Parts Store]

Customer: I’m looking for something to make my muffler louder.

Clerk: mufflers, by definition, make things quieter.

Customer: Well when my muffler had a hole in it, it was louder.

Clerk: Which further makes my point that mufflers make things quieter. Imagine how loud it would be if you had no muffler.

Customer: I’d like to imagine you with no muffler.

Clerk: then I’d be louder.

Customer: then maybe I should put you under my car, Mr. muffler definition.

Clerk: Maybe I should put you in front of a dictionary Mr. Merriam-Webster. 

Customer: Merriam is a woman’s name you jerk, by DEFINITION. I’m a dude, dude.

Clerk: Dude, definition: a city dweller unfamiliar with life on the range. Analogously, a rube in an auto parts store looking for blinker fluid and muffler bearings. Get out! Come back when you can change your oil.

Customer: oil change, Urban Dictionary definition: The act of inserting a funnel into someone's asshole and then spewing your own diarrhea into said funnel. Or analogously, auto parts clerk’s girlfriend wanted a Cleveland Steamer last night but said clerk wasn't feeling well with non-solid poop, so they opted for an Oil Change instead. 

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