Dear 0166789,
It was never meant
to be what it turned out to be. There was nothing malevolent intended. Never.
It just morphed into something horrible and tragic. You must know that by now.
You must know that, though I don’t believe in it, destiny chose you. And while
it is for all the wrong reasons, and again while I don’t believe it and am
using destiny as a purely didactic device, destiny and you met up that night. If
I could take it back I would, I would a million times. If I could change the
horrible truth of this and get you out of there, get you out of all that you
have already endured, I would. You must know that. All your hate can’t change
your knowledge. It may color it but it won’t transubstantiate. Though I hate
the language and don’t believe it myself but in your situation you must hear it
a lot that things happen for a reason. I hope this helps you though I don’t
believe it, personally. It must give you some sense of closure, some sense of
meaning, some sense of worth, some sense of direction, even if you never get
out. Live that lie, or call it truth if you want, because while not objectively
true, it can be your truth and you can use it for your life, your life, your
precious, if confined life. Make your life something more than your
circumstances. I know this must sound smug and easy to say while I am free out
here and you are in there but it doesn’t mean it can’t be what you do. Don’t
let the situation define you, don’t, just don’t. Rise up and believe anything
you need to believe. Make a circle square if you have to, just live with
meaning. Meaning that gets you up in the morning despite your horrid conditions
and lays you to bed at night giving you the satisfaction for some semblance of
sleep in that place. I am sorry it has taken me this long to write but I was
worried you wouldn’t even acknowledge a communication if sent too early. Please
don’t blame me and please don’t live out your days blaming and bitter – that won’t
help you or anybody else. Was it your fault? No, it wasn’t. But we didn’t get
to make the formal call of fault, or guilt or innocence or responsible or any
moral judgement. That was out of our hands. But can’t you agree that fault and
its kin are just words now, just words in your destiny, again though I don’t
believe it, it just seems to suit your situation. Your destiny is in no doubt
tragic, no doubt at all but, and I don’t want to get too Leibnitzian here, but
this has got to serve some greater good, though I don’t believe that way, can’t
we fake it till we make it, if you will. Can’t we proceed under this umbrella
that we have to turn this into a greater future good, though Leibnitz himself
said that god, the one I don’t believe in, must be perfect in actuality and not
potentiality so as to be perfect at all. I just think that if you make lemonade
out of these lemons you can if not yourself, help someone else. Isn’t that what
it’s all about anyway? Helping others? You must think this is the best course
of action. You can take courses right? You have access to books. I know you
know I’m sorry, in your heart of hearts but what did you want me to do? I didn’t
judge you, you know that. I wasn’t the one who decided your fate. You know I
was a pawn, a bit player, I was not, and you know it, the change agent. I wasn’t
even an enzyme. I was basically a bystander, yes just someone in the wron
Anyway,
I hope you understand. Do something with yourself.
Art
No comments:
Post a Comment