Sellin' Cars, See?

So I just finished up Icicles, a short story in William Gass’ In The Heart of The Heart of The Country and I loved the voice of one of the real estate agents – kind of like a reporter in an old movie of sorts, which led me to this:

Look see here now Smithie. You gotta get right in there, get right in their noggins see. Time is money Smithie. How long you been at this, a year now? You should be selling hotcakes by now, hotcakes I say. What’re you waitin’ for? Christmas? Gotta get in there. Look, it’s easy. Everybody wants something right? You want something, I want something, they want something. You got what they need, see? They wouldn’t be on the lot if they didn’t need it. No no no, forget about that. Look in their eyes, see. You gots to commit, just like an actor see. You commit, they buy. Why I could sell batteries to solar powered people Smithie. Because I commit. DeNiro’s got nothin’ on me Smithie. He commits, I commit. Now you gotta commit. It’s easy, it’s an exercise in Psychology. Don’t matter if it’s Ford or Chevy, Chrysler or Dodge, pick-up or station wagon – just commit. They don’t want a car, see? They need a car. You have a football field of cars now dontcha. Remember when you committed to a broad at a bar Smithie? You were payin attention, smiling, getting rounds, listening some more, paying attention – that’s commitment Smithie. See, it’s the same thing Smithie. Just commit, see? Pay attention, listen, agree, provide…you getting all this? I’m giving you gems here Smithie. I’m doing you a solid here son. You aren’t gonna get this at some seminar or night course Smithie. This is years of experience and natural talent, see? Nah nah nah, you just listen up here. Time is money, remember that Smithie? I have this time for you Smithie because I have so much money. See how it works? Gems Smithie, gems for you, for the taking. Open those ears up and shine your shoes Smithie. This ain’t no exercise. Smithie, you committed yet? I know you have a wife and kids Smithie. Not the point. They have wives and kids too and they need a car. Whose gonna sell one to em? You, if you commit. C-O-M-M-I-T, see? It’s all there now isn’t it? Used don’t matter. They need a car. They have time. They have money. They are on the lot. Smithie Smithie Smithie… time is money. Is that the tie you wear most days? Everything matters! See, look, calm down, it’s not like I don’t know old boy. Been there. Had a few slumps, very few but a few. I’m just sharing the wealth, doing you a solid son. I know I know I know. Take it easy son. Just a hump….must be Wednesday. See, see there, now you got it. Same thing out there on the lot see? Relax and commit. Commit and relax. Hotcakes in your future son. Hotcakes. What’s that?

For more kicks and giggles: http://snltranscripts.jt.org/11/11nfriday.phtml