Bathroom Battle

There would be an epic battle. Violent to be sure but also romantic. Battling for the attention of a woman, it doesn’t get more romantic. Unless John Cusack is involved.  Yes, there would be incredible amounts of damage, perhaps even loss of life. 

You see long ago in a bathroom far, far away there was a beautiful lotion and her name was Aloe.  Aloe’s beauty stretched all the way from the spigot to the soap tray and her undeniable beauty caught the eye of both men in the bathroom: Suave Shampoo and Vidal Conditioner.

Suave and Vidal had been working together for weeks and they had a great working relationship. They put in the hours and got the job done, shower after shower. Sure they may have enjoyed a few too many happy hours, throwing down beers and shots but they were always ready in the morning and that is what really matters.

But when Aloe arrived, Suave caught Vidal looking at Aloe and Vidal caught Suave looking at Aloe. Now, Aloe had recently been dumped by an exfoliate by the name of Axl. Axl cheated on her with a bodacious body wash and the only way Aloe knew how to handle her hurt, was to hurt in return; so she played with Suave and Vidal, like they were cheap, disposable razors, pitting them against each other. Aloe played coy and wooed them both in the confines of steamy showers and late night baths with Sunday crosswords until Suave and Vidal came to hate each other with all the rancor and tear of a Brazilian wax job.

What had once been a working partnership and budding friendship had now become a head scratching, acne filled animosity. They must fight.

Mano a mano they stood. They postured, they pointed, they repeated accusations that had been lathered against each other ever since Aloe beckoned, what with her smooth, kissable, non-ashy self. Finally, they rinsed themselves of any amity at all and physical violence erupted into a blistering display of shining, sheening, thick, nourished, unfrizzed, revitalizing, volume boosting fighting that bathroom had ever seen. 

In the end they were both spent, they had fought themselves to the point of dry and cracked. Now they were just vehicles with souls lost down the drain of life. 

As Aloe watched them wash away, realizing her wrongdoing, she committed herself to a life of celibacy...until Tom Jr arrived one day with a swimsuit issue in his hand.