For A Few

For A Few

               

You might be my huckleberry and I might meet my end  

There’s a cover band on stage and they’re my only friend

They left it up to me and maybe I’ll pull through                                 

But the audience is listening only to you

The drummer’s high on glory and the singer’s in need    

The crowd don’t know no better, the guitarist blew the lead

They’re just waiting on me and maybe I’ll show up          

 But I’m taking my sweet time, till I think they’ve suffered enough

I’m a little too high, which leave you a little low  I promise next time, next time I’ll show

and we’ll tear this place anew    but for now won’t you let me be, alone with myself,

for a few

the buzz is setting in and the music fill the souls            

closing time is looming and they cover it I'm told

they sing along and the band is right on time                       

it’s the time that flies while the years go by as the ages climb

“while we’re young” no truer words were said                   

then when your old you can say you bled

They stopped waiting, it’s me they didn’t need                 

I’m still trying, but there’s advice I just can’t heed

I’m a little too high, which leave you a little low  I promise next time, next time I’ll show

and we’ll tear this place anew    but for now won’t you let me be, alone with myself,

for a few

                

Bruce Willis is 60 today

Bruce Willis is 60 today

Top 5 perks of being Bruce Willis:

5. Easy access to harmonicas

4. Moonlighting royalties can finance entire lunches

3. The sweet irony of dying on the set of Die Hard 14

2. Sure to star in Twelve Monkeys sequel: 13 Common Marmosets

1. Ashton Kutcher’s cell number on speed dial

Rob Lowe turns 51 today

Rob Lowe turns 51 today

The Top 5 perks of being Rob Lowe:

5 St. Elmo’s Fire royalties net a direct tv upgrade every other 13 years.

4 Playing Sodapop Curtis in The Outsiders usually nets a free shot at a bar.

3 Got to make out with Bo Derek and Chris Farley on the set of Tommy Boy.

2 Was once voted one of the most 50 likeable has-beens in the world by Bitter People’s Magazine.   

1 His brother Chad throws him a couple of auditions every once in a while.

Measuring Right, Measuring Wrong

Professor to Class: How would you find out how tall someone is?

Student: Measure them.

Professor to Class: How would you find out how much someone weighs?

Student: Measure them.

Professor to Class: Now how would you find out if an action is right or wrong? 

Student: Well when we determine height and weight we are quantifying but we cannot do that with actions; we can’t quantify actions. We don’t say an action is 7 feet high or weighs 23 pounds.

Professor to Class: But we do qualify actions, we do qualify actions as right and wrong. I’m asking you what we hold the actions up to in order to determine their rightness or wrongness. We stand by a ruler or step on a scale, what is used to determine rightness or wrongness?

(to be continued)

Up From The Roots

I had been living on butter pickles and cough drops for close to a week. Don’t get me wrong, I like the taste of both but after a week even a plain ritz would have been a nice change of pace. I have no idea how I got stuck in our cellar; worse, why were there only cough drops and butter pickles in our root cellar? Who still has a root cellar? At least I never got cramps because of all the pickle juice. When life gives you lemons…ha ha. The hardest part wasn’t the pickles and cough drops it was the cold at night and the odor of my feces. I only had two bowel movements as not a lot “builds up” if you will, from butter pickles. I urinated in the empty pickle jars and recapped them so that stench was “jarred” if you will. I know I will…ha ha. IMHO that was pretty nifty on my part, pretty good problem solving. But the feces, I had nowhere to “put that” if you will. I know I won’t…ha ha. So smelling that and sleeping in the cold was not my favorite. There was an old flag I was able to drape around myself but it was still pretty cold. I tried to keep busy but there weren’t many “project” opportunities in a 8x5 root cellar filled with cough drops and butter pickles, and some rusted tools. I didn’t want to clean the tools with the flag because I slept with the flag. I read the labels for the pickles and the cough drops but what was the point of doing this more than once? 

As it turns out I wasn’t really stuck in the root cellar; due to my infrequent trips to the root cellar, I didn’t realize that that the door only opens in; it took my wife and kids getting home from their trip to hear me screaming to come down and open the door for me. It sure was good see them and get out of that stinky cellar. My wife was pretty upset about all the pickles being gone. I told her I didn’t get any cramps but she didn’t get it. Women, can’t live with em…ha ha.