The Royal You

We asked, the Royal You answered

Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo plans to create a $15 minimum wage for state workers, making New York the first state to set such a high wage for public employees.

How much do you make?

I make enough to work until I die on the job. - Indigo Montoya, Plane Fracker

That is none of your business. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to gas up my Hummer . - Mangold Richie, Oil Rubber

I barter as a defiant gesture toward the evil and greed of the capitalist economy’s exploitation of the proletariat. How about a handy for a BLT? - Millford Tungsten, Sophist

The Royal You

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The eight top-ranked candidates will face off in the 4^th GOP debate tonight.

Will you watch?

Just eight? I guess Chris Christie can’t make it; stuck in traffic on the GW Bridge. Asshole. - Herb Scone, Taxi Hailer

I can’t. Hoarders marathon. - DeJarvis Rambis, Bleach Designer

Oh yeah. We’re having a party. Someone has to drink every time one of them says “government teet.” - Chantel Divine, Stand-Up Comic Strip

The Royal You

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Coldplay officially announced that their new album, A Head Full of Dreams, will arrive on December 4^th.

Can you wait that long?

That’s nothing; I once waited over 6 weeks in an Akron Ohio emergency room. - Stephon Bergey, Boxcar Willie Impersonator

I’ve got booze and I’ve got coke…it’s one long party till Dec 4^th. Then the party ends. - Pepper Zinfandale, Mercury Smuggler

Coldplay? We’re talking about Coldplay? - Allen Iverson, Answerer

The Royal You

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Leah Remini has written a new tell-all book with parts about Scientology and Tom Cruise

Will you read it?

I am more interested in the profound legacy of King of Queens. - Armando Vealcutlet, Control-Alt-Deleter

I’ll read anything to avoid watching her “act.” -Brigadeer General, Union Jack

Right after I read Russell Brand’s My Booky Wook. - Katy Perry, Mammary Owner

The Royal You

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Eddie Murphy, 54, is going to be a father for the ninth time with 36 year old girlfriend Paige Butcher.

What do you think?

I wonder if Eddie will sing the new baby to sleep with a Teddy Pendergrass song? -Samson Delilah, Executioner

I think he’s close to pissing off the Duggars. - Mr & Mrs Duggar, Sapien Breeders

Mr. Murphy has been busy with something other than decent movies. -Rancor Lablue, Minority Whipper