mo·res
ˈmôrˌāz/
noun
plural noun: mores
the
essential or characteristic customs and conventions of a community.
"an
offense against social mores"
synonyms:
|
customs, conventions, ways, way of life,
traditions, practices, habits;
|
I am pretty confident that the mores in your community
forbid you digging your first finger deep into your nostril to dislodge a
healthy sized booger clogging up your airway…directly in front of a person…in a
work meeting.
But in fact, there are, much like with your taxes, loopholes
for this particular mores. You see, one need only cover said first finger with
a small, sheen like fabric to commence the dislodging, directly in front of
you…in a work meeting. Yes, the beloved handkerchief allows Jane Doe to work
that finger up in there in excavator like fashion and turn around like a
submarine periscope and to then complete the action with a very defined usage
of the fingernail to scrape the bedrocked booger from its hair filled cavern; all
with polite dignity because of the flimsy, filled, handkerchief.
Now, to paraphrase David Mamet, “people love loopholes,
that’s why they call them loopholes.” True. But there needs to be a delineation
of acceptable holes and I for one, am not falling for the handkerchief
loophole. Just because you are nearing retirement and you carry a monogram
embroidered snot rag in your purse doesn’t mean you can probe your proboscis
during our meeting.
So now for your reading pleasure, I will inform you of the,
according-to-Hoyle-loophole, that allows you to exhume your nose with reckless
abandon. The loophole is your own beloved car. Yes, be it a Subaru outback or a
Lincoln town car, in the comfy confines of your car you are free to circumvent
the mores of your community and impugn the schnozzle with workman like energy
and inventor like inquisitiveness. Yes, beyond your driver’s side window on 95
south you can did and dig and dig, pull out to check, and then dig some more. You
can take it out and view it and turn your head like a dog that heard a weird
noise, all in rush hour traffic. Didn’t get it? Don’t worry, just keep trying.
Sure, you are in the parking lot at the local Target and that mother with 3
children is shielding her children’s eyes but you my friend are in your car.
Are you uncomfortable wiping the remnants in your car, be it the floor mat or
the console? Just roll down the window and wipe it on the top…you wash the
outside with a power washer anyway!
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