The Words Back There

Been up since 4am, give or take.* The day has gone on like a wet sock: with flustered exertion. Various inopportune events impeded a (insert Folgers theme song) smooth transition to the other events in minutes and hours that we call days. We being you, the reader, and me being the words back there. Actually, this is understated, from the conception of the morning, the day has been fighting me, throwing things at me, blocking happiness or whatever counts as below happiness but not unhappiness, even keeled maybe? Not this morning. I was actually up before 4am. The mind was turning thoughts over, running scenarios of various levels of doubt and mindful mayhem for fitful, fake sleep. Angry at the approaching day, angry at the mind I call mine, angry at the doubts that don’t really appear to be mine; they appear to be placed in their from some unrelated homunculus that while, in my head, does not seem related to me. Homunculus, good vocabulary word. The words back there.

Why can’t you be more like Nelson Mandela?* Why can’t you not hate yourself the way he didn’t hate others. You haven’t even been as bad to yourself as others were to him. Did you ever imprison yourself? Isn’t it a little stupid to compare yourself to Nelson Mandela, dare I say some sort of subconscious egotism. Perhaps you actually think more of yourself by putting yourself in the same sentence as Nelson Mandela* Isn’t this analogy breaking down? Or is it a metaphor?

When is lunch?

Mistakes were made no doubt. Any successes to speak of? Oh sure, now you are going to play the success is relative card. To your advantage or to your detriment? Either way, might you apply that relative argument to the mistakes, to your advantage or detriment? Do you even know what an argument is? Hmm, I used the word argument in the sentence above. I provided context, a reader (you, yes you) might perhaps deduce [do you, no I, you are the reader, do I mean induce?] the definition of argument. So I do. At least in form if not content, no I’m asking. 

Talk to me, yell at me, define me, aren’t t you the context? The words back there, those words are me, they are all you have of me; treasure them and make sure they last into the future, immortalize me. The words ahead?

We need a whole new way to think about this. Why ain’t I smart uhnuff to figger a new thought?

*it is now 9:31am on 5/2/2014 and counting

*This sentence

*An argument is a series of statements consisting of a premise and/or premises and a conclusion.